thinking about threat | scream19's Blog

Im sat here wondering if i shoud start to sent threatening letters to the bastard because then i would be able to see through my own eyes what being scared is like.

I mean im petrified none stop and no one wants to know because its my life not theirs, i need them to realise that im human not something that they can pick up and throw away. The thing is though even though they treat me like that they expect me to just take it, so as soon as i lose my rag over something the first thing they say is its the tablets again. I mean they have to expect something back if they hurt me the way that they do mentally. I mean they say things and even though they know that the words hurt they just carry on saying things to hurt me even more.

Well i wonder what they would do if it was someone else in the family that was being threatened or made scared to do anything, to know that they cant trust no'one, know that wherever they turn there could be someone there to do something more.

Back when i was living in orrell, i think i was 17 i had this plan that if someone could shoot him then i would be better off and it would help my family. I mean i even went through the details with one of the lads, i asked him to get someone to shoot him, then inscribe things into his body, he said hed do it but then he changed his mind i dont know why because a few days later, we were both sat on the couch when he asked me to throw a knife a him, it was sharp, so i did and then we were throwing them at each other for at least 30mins. then he asked me to go to the bridge outside the house and jump off with him but he was joking, the only thing was i would have jumped off if hed done it as well.

Then i moved to whelley, i was in a flat, the only problem was that i could see things, i mean one day i woke up to someone strangling me, the only thing was there was no-one there, it was as if they had their hands around my neck but they were gone. Then a few days later i was in the bathroom when i saw a young lad run past the bathroom door, it was a black figure but i could tell it was a lad by the shape. The only thing was that when i looked there was nobody there, people think i imagined it but i know that i didnt. The person that ran past was real to me even though they werent real to anyone else.